Who let me babysit?

Okay, there are a couple of reasons I should probably never be allowed to enter the league of moms.  Reason number 1# This is how I will let you look

I’ve watched my cousin’s children lately, and we usually roll to the park in the mornings to kill time, and if you hang with kids, you will know the wonders and glory of killing time just to get to nap time!  So this little girl upon leaving decided she needed a special outfit for our walk to the park.  People I present, Princess Charlie…the NEW Punky Brewster.  I mean “Go girlfriend….rock those matching necklaces!”  Then I decided how fantastic…I should add some knee socks and tennies to that phenom getup…girl will be turning heads.  Seriously if I was a mom I think my children would be toe up on the streets.  Mind you, this is the same girl who two days earlier scowled at me and said “I don’t like your outfit, you don’t look good at all!”  Well shoot…

Reason number #2 This is how I will let myself look

This is what I wore to take them to the park!  No…add some aviator glasses, and I was pimpin’ it to the sandbox, with Punky Brewster, fruit snacks, and a mom stroller.  Hot!  Scrubs, Trench Coat, Flip Flops, and Aviators.  I felt like a “What not to wear” camera should have followed me around gasping at my slummy take on the day. 

Reason number #3 You might not survive the day

This little man decided to dump his pacifier into a scum filled pond, with floating dead animals, and stick it back in his mouth.  This was AFTER he dumped water on the ground and started licking it off the concrete.    Poor kid is going to have herpes, or diarrhea, or something….go babysitter!

You know, a couple of years ago I dated this guy who often said “Guys don’t love little kids…ask any guy…If they can’t dress themselves and wipe their own butt, they aren’t that fun.”  I gotta be honest, then I didn’t believe that.  Now I’m a believer! 

Just bought a songwriting book from Amazon.  I could buy a country with how much money I’ve paid to Amazon for shipping.  This better be mind-blowing!

AZ

Unfailing moon

 

While I was driving home from Vegas I had one of those ”gong” moments.  You know, the moments where you feel like you are living an episode of your own docudrama…the music’s perfect, and the moment is breathe-taking…it’s like someone hit the gong and put you into this hypnotic trance.  So I am trancing on this moment and I’m swerving all over the highway looking to get killed while watching every stage of this incredible moon when a song hits the disc player and takes me back to this moment…..Twelve years ago I was walking along the shoreline of a little beach called Thornhill Broom.  It’s located between Malibu and Santa Barbara.  My best friend at the time had arranged a little meetup with this guy she knew liked me, and we were all getting our campfire on for the evening…something to this day I still love to do.  The moon was so bright that we could see everything from the twilight to the waves crashing…little rocks in the sand to the grunion on the shore.  The air at the time was tropical…very warm, which was unheard of in late October early December. So we are doing our little romantic walk thing that every 13-year-old girl dreams of happening when she get’s old enough to date…. and that moment came….you know, when the uncomfortable pause could be the most embarrassing, or incredible moment, and you are praying for the latter!  Then came the slow approach…faces are getting closer…mind’s racing, “Will he chicken out, will there be slobber, will I lose my gum, will his breath smell, …will it suck?”  It’s amazing a descent kiss can happen from all the freaking mind clutter that creeps in leading up to that moment….that moment we kissed,  jumped on each other, rolled around in the sand…as the cameras were saying “More..Give us more!”  =)  Just messin’…it was an incredible kiss though.  I don’t often spend time going back in my mind to that relationship.  You move on, you learn to love again.  But I dig the moments that remind me about the magic….and for the unfailing moon that brought me there.

AZ

“Do you know how old I am?”

Meet my new friend Sonya!

Today I promised myself a workout…something to get the juices flowing and to put me closer to my goals for the year.  As we all experience I had a few time vampires eating up my opportunities to work out, so to salvage the workout commitment I went for a walk.  I’m a walker!  I love to walk, and think…and journey.  The coolest things can happen on walks, on many levels.  So I’m walking down the street of my home town, and this woman from across the street yells calls out “Do you know how old I am?” I start to laugh a little and look at her and say “Nope, I have no clue…how old are you?”  Well then the invitation is on, she crosses the street with her little black slippers, wearing a bright red jacket and green sweater as if Christmas were still here, on a mission to fill me in on the details of her life.  “I’m 88 years old.”  “Really”, I said…”I had no clue, you look fantastic.”  She responds “It’s the hair, I dyed it.  You know, God really got it messed up.”  “How so”, I replied.  “Well he used to take people at 75, and that’s the perfect age.  When you get to be my age, you’ve done it all, you’ve seen it all, nothing excites you.  I have no idea what I’m living for.  Like this Christmas, I usually get excited at Christmas, but not this year.  I mean I have grandkids, and great grandkids.  Having them is like having two yellow dresses, you can’t decide which one you like better!” I’m thinking at this point…”What if you don’t like either?” =)  “I lost my husband at 76, he was a good man,” she says.  “I miss him!  Are you married?”  Here it comes…I get this daily “Nope I’m not”…”You’re not, how can that be?  Well you are doll, a real doll, and those dimples…how is this possible, I wish I had some young grandsons.”  Hey if anyone out there battles with wondering if they are a catch or not, just go hang out with some 88 year olds, you’ll be feeling tip-top in no time!  “I’m Armenian and Turkish, and you know…the Turkish did to the Armenians like Hitler did to the Jews…just terrible.  My mom was very educated, she was lucky…she had a European education, and she fell in love with a man that she was supposed to marry, and when he got on the ship to come home and marry her he ended up marrying someone else on the journey.  My mom was a real catch, and she ended up marrying this guy she didn’t like because she was so embarrassed, and then I think she had me on the first night.  I say that because she didn’t have any other children.  She and my dad slept in separate beds.  They never talked about sex in those days.  When I married my husband we had no clue, we just figured people were in the same room and just hugged each other.  When my friends would come over and ask why my parents had separate rooms I just told them it was because we were rich!”  Ha! Ha!  This is great, I’m like the luckiest women alive to stumble upon this fabulous women!  “She says, I’m really bored, and I need to keep busy.  I used to work at Walmart and nobody left without buying something because I’m a real talker.”  So we talked a bit more, and I asked Sonya “What makes a good marriage.”  She says “Well I’ll tell you one thing, my mom told me that if you ask for something and he pushes back, and you ask again, and he pushes back…you just be quiet, and tomorrow the truck will show up with your table, and that’s the way it was!”  The way she laughed and doted about her husband was awesome.  She said “You really should get married, it is really fun, I miss my husband.  So now I have nothing to do but occupy two rooms.”  While we are talking the neighbors start driving by and rolling down their window to ask if Sonya is lost…she waves them on as to say “Don’t bother me, I’m making friends.”  Sonya is my new best friends.  She thanked me for stopping to talk to her, I gave her a hug, she told me she loved me, and we parted.  I walked away smiling…”I’m going to go take Sonya for a walk, I can’t wait to see what other crazy things that woman has done in her life…she is a spit fire, and a party planner, and is sure to spill out some tasty bites of wisdom we all can benefit from.  So cheers to you Sonya, you maybe 88 with nothing to do, but your journey is just beginning.

To all of those sitting at home looking for something to steal you from your job searches or the computer…go walking, and see what you find…either a clearer mind, or your very own Sonya.

AZ

Ashton…you remind me of my X-Girlfriend

“You remind me of my X”, was one of my favorite pick up lines today!  I’m at the gym in a yoga class when this guy stops right in front of me and says “You look just like me X-Girlfriend, and she was smoking hot like you”….ummm….How do I respond to a man who is twice my age, wearing flip flops and an old Hawaiian shirt with missing teeth, I’m flattered I remind him of his biker chick girlfriend.  So as I’m contemplating the universe and deep breathing in my downward dog position, some person in front of me decides this is the BEST time to fully fart in my face…..uggh!  Seriously people…you had to pick downward dog.  If you don’t know what that position is….just imagine the highest place your butt could be, while leaning forward on your hands…..real sexy for passing gas!   The day was just as fabulous when I set aside time for a dinner date, and the dinner date called me to say “Could we get together another night, this girl might be calling me to go out, and I want  to go?”….Okay, let me get this straight.  You call me up to get together for dinner, we finally set a time, I’ve arranged my schedule to make sure all my errands happen right around the place we are going to meet, which is like an hour from my home, and then you say….”Hey, I want to cancel on you because I might have a better offer.”  How awesome is that!?!  Dude sure knows how to make a girl feel amazing.  Word to those who care….If you want to keep friends, drop the unwanted details.  Call me up and say..”I’m so sorry, I’ve got to cancel tonight, is it possible to reschedule?”  I’ mean…leave it at that!  Don’t tell me that you’re flaking on me for a better deal…Classy!  Mamma said their will be days like this!  =)  So nothing like treating yourself to a new hair-do.  Thanks Kasea Cummings at Salon HG in Westlake Village.  I’m a bright blond with red highlights now.  I have no idea if you can tell in the picture below….and not like I’m trying to plug my picture like Opera does on all her magazines…but wanted to put a plug-in for my very cool friend who is so talented at hair, and would love to do your hair! Proof’s in the pudding!  So call Salon HG for a sexy new style.

Hey, thanks for following my blog!  Means a lot to have some people out there to share my downward dog farting moments.  =) AZ

Dating advice from a 10 year old

Ashton, come closer..I know a guy

With Valentines Day just around the corner, how appropriate that I was given dating advice by a 10-year-old on  my way to San Fransisco.  I was sitting at the piano trying to get some work done, when this awesome pre-teen walks in with pepto bismol pink jeans.  I was coveting the jeans, not that I’d ever wear the pink panther splendor, but stoked she could.  She kinda just walks up to the piano, doesn’t say a word…and just stares at me.  Finally after a painful 5 min. of watching and silence I stopped and ask her if she wanted to play.  Of course she wants to play!   She sits down and plays a song her friend has taught her.  But it’s one of those classic moments where you play two bars and say “Oh wait…I can’t remember” and then they try again for like another 5 min. before they give up.  So then I start playing a little bit, and she starts singing….girl could sing…don’t know  what she was singing, or what key…but she was loving her groove.  Then she sits down, stares at me and point-blank says “Are you married?”  I respond, “Nope I’m not.”  “Do you have a boyfriend”, I said, “Nope I don’t”.  She then responds ” Well do you have any friends?”  Now I’m trying not to bust a smile and I say, “Yes, why?”.  She responds, “Well I heard that if you hang out with some of your friends you could maybe find a boyfriend and stuff.”  I’m laughing and thinking….”Awww man, why didn’t I think of that!” I then asked her if there was any other place she thought I should go to find a boyfriend.  She says..”Well…(long pause) my mom was watching on TV a lady who liked this guy…and he didn’t know, and then he found out that she liked him three weeks later…and now she has a boyfriend”  So then I’m like “So do I need to be on television to find a boyfriend?”…..(Long pause) “No, I guess not.”  So I can’t resist at that point…”Do you think I need a boyfriend?”…staring, staring…staring at me.  “Yeah, I think you do!” ….haaaa haaa!  Then I ask her, how will I know if I boy likes me?  ” He will do nice things to you, like call you, and buy you flowers.  But he should buy you roses, or something like that.”  “What color should they be?”, I asked.  “Doesn’t matter…..but he should never put you down, or argue with you (Amen to that lady!) He should say nice things to you.”  Amazing how the young ones know the right stuff, and the old ones screw it up!  I couldn’t bring myself to ask, but my next question was “What kind of nice things should he DO to me?”  That’s so wrong.  What a cool girl though, I loved the random walk in, and the hardcore sweat box of questions. 

Another great picture from the road.  Can’t say my trip into Sacramento should be all that splendid, so this will be the last photo until I get into Santa Barbara, and Ventura County.

Happy Trails…or trail mix!

Lvs,

Ashton Z.

Coastal Bliss

On my way down the coast of Oregon, and onto the Redwoods!  It’s been awhile since I’ve driven this stretch….maybe almost 20 years.  Loved my time in Portland and listening to Pink Martini and the locals rave about their home grown band.  Yes, the Pink Martinin is from Portland.  I dig their stuff, and even more so, I dig how incredibly particular they are about production.   They will take years to put something out…no slappin’ it together.  Makes me not take what I’m hearing for granted. 

So here are  few cool shots from the trip.  The rain ruined my second half, but made the colors of the Redwoods Amazing!  Moments like this reminded me how small my I am, and how incredible mother nature is.

Oregon coast

 

On to San Fran….I love that place….peace, love, and hippies!

AZ

My Portland Piano

Aaah Portland! The home of the worlds largest used book store, which takes up a full city block, and has this great licorice tea!  I could get lost for hours in there!  Today I got a tip from my friend Bryan to stroll down 23rd street. He said is was like a mini Melrose.  Fortunately the rain has cleared and I had a great time wandering in and out of shops.  The city street are lined with these types of buildings, and tons of great vintage shops, with environmental activists waiting for you to sign their petitions each time you leave.  I’m amazed at all the chocolate beverage shops I have stumbled upon.  I know coffee is big here, but also imported chocolate drinks mixed with cayenne pepper, cinnamon…the whole nine yards. 

 

 

I guess this place reminds me of Boston a bit. 

Okay, for all you lucky peeps that picked one of these up at Restoration Hardware this holiday season I have landed myself a roll-out piano.  Check out the splendor!  

 

 

So this boasts 100 different sounds.  I couldn’t stop laughing when 80 of those sounds pretty much sounded the same.  I can record on this thing, it has sustain….I can even hook it up to a large speaker.  I’m going to take it over to this senior community where my Grandmother lives and play her a few wonder numbers!!!! =) I hope she likes the Wesley Willis Casio drum track vibe.  It’s probably my favorite! 

On to the Oregon Coast tomorrow!  Looking forward to glorious clouds and coastal cliffs! 

AZ

It’s MLK day..woot woot!

I’ve been on the road for nearly forty days now, and it feels amazing to get out and be free, free, free.  How appropriate on this day that I have stumbled across a fan from a local mortuary with MLK’s face on the front.  I’m “Living THE DREAM  MLK, LIVING THE DREAM!”  Martin Luther has so many streets named after him.  Every major town I travel through on this trip you are sure to find a Martin Luther King Blvd.  So cheers to you and all the people out their who fight against oppression everyday, and for the freedom of others.

Check out this shirt…what a crack up!  This is a fraternity shirt at MT. Hood in Gresham, Oregon, where the school has a mortuary school. 

Party like a Mortician, Grab a cold one!

Anyway, I’m in Portland where the speed limit had dropped to a dangerous 55mph, and I’m yawning as I slowly stroll to the nearest MLK blvd…..It’s gonna be a great day!

AZ

Hello Piano….

I'm in love!

I wrote my first album Silently on this amazing piano.  My parents bought the piano back in the early nineties to replace our olive-green pleather upright piano…halleluja!  I’ve spent hours, and hours playing, and getting caught up in the wonder of the sound, and the reverb, as the piano sat in this great vaulted space.  I was heart-broken when my parents packed up and moved the piano after my father retired, and I had to say good-bye.  So each year I go home I have this love affair with the piano all over again.  

Rockin' the K.Kawai

Years ago I dated this guy who mocked me when I said I’d rather have my parents K.Kawai over a Steinway.  Well 12 years later I’m happy to say, I’m still just as convicted in my opinion as I ever was!  I’m actually quite amazed!   I’m amazed after playing lots of  killer pianos in stores, studios, and stages all around the world…this piano takes the cake.  It’s soft but loud, deep and rich, intense but gentle….I love it!  So to kick off the New Year, I have started a new song from the mother board.  I’ll let you know when it will be ready.  Stalker Girl is the new title, a dedication to my friends Stacy and Amie….and that’s all you need to know for now!  ‘Til later my friends!

Cheers!

AZ

Someone call PETA

Ummmmm....

Okay….this is billboard marketing at its finest!  No wonder I haven’t spotted a dog for miles!

Si….awesome!  I’ll be there…Saturday.