This week a dear friend lost her daughter in a dating violence dispute. I was devastated to hear about the beating she took, and then the shot to the face that ended her life. She was 22 years old. I’ve worked with victims of domestic and dating violence for years, as well as those who abuse in the prison systems. There’s nothing I loathe more than people who use violence to control. This comes in all sorts of ways. Most people see partner violence as being manifested physically. It’s the emotional battering that is so cunning and sly, that leaves wounds far worse than what physical wounds can do, and I have zero patience for it. If only she had been taught how to recognize people who would manipulate, charm, or try to control her, things could have been different. Unfortunately so many women and men out there don’t know how to recognize destructive patterns in someone they are seeing, and even worse…in themselves…or what it really means to be healthy in a relationship, in addition to understanding what healthy conflict resolution should look like. Most people react in relationships based on the reality they have experienced, or from people who have influenced them that they give sanction to. The problem is, if those people don’t really know what healthy should look like either, then you have a classic tale of the blind leading the blind. I’ve spent years studying, and attending conferences, giving conferences on abuse, and am surprised how many people know very little about how to truly be healthy in a relationship. If you haven’t invested time in studying what healthy looks like, there’s no time like the present. There are some great reads out there about healthy conflict resolution, as this is the most important skill one can posses in a relationship. Learning how to resolve conflict without using manipulation whether it’s physical, verbal, or emotional is huge! It’s also important to learn how to be vulnerable while expressing pain and frustration, which sometimes happens in relationships, trusting that your partner will hear your heart and not make the conflict about them, while they defend themselves or manipulate to avoid the pain that shame brings. If you are saying to yourself…”What makes you the expert?”, I applaud you for being skeptical. I mean, what makes me right? I may not be… but just maybe, I know quite a bit about this after working with over 20,000 teens and adults regarding relationship violence, training them, and hearing their stories. It is because of this work I am cautious, slow to move, and hyper observant. If I don’t share the same sentiments with others on how conflict should be resolved I have learned to walk away. So for my friend I wanted to post this song I wrote for those who suffer from abuse. If everyone could rest for one day, without fear of being hurt, or killed…that truly would be something to celebrate this season….hope you enjoy!
P.S. I know I promised the release of the song Eden’s Angel sooner than later, but I’ve gotten a bit delayed after getting feedback from a few people, including Ajay the producer I work with that the track is a bit too wet, or in other words, has too much reverb on it. Once we started to take the reverb off of the track, we noticed some problems with the track…mainly the guitars, and strings with the new mix we wanted to create. It looks like it needs to be re-tracked for that new mix, and bass added. Oh well…you win some you lose some. It should be pretty simple to re-create the track and then work a new mix. No disrespect to Talbot, he did a nice job. I just think the track needs a different mix at this point, which happens often in the production world. So back to the drawing board. Maybe we will release it next week!
Happy Holidays,
AZ
